Episode 89: Re-Release: The Art of Difficult Conversations
In this throwback to a popular episode (Episode 4), Sam dives deep into the art of having difficult conversations. Beginning with first discussing what conversation is and why it’s important, Sam then drills down on two types of conversation that many people find difficult: value conversations and difficult feedback conversations.
There’s two main aspects to why accountants find conversation difficult: the mindset piece and the training piece. Sam covers both of these, and shares practical advice on how to build conversation muscles in business and in life.
Sam shares a number of examples and questions you can ask to help when having value conversations with clients, and things to think about before, during and after conversations that giving and receiving feedback.
Finally, Sam emphasises the importance of being kind—to yourself and to the people you are in conversation with—because ultimately that’s where the power is.
As always, remember to be kind, be brave and keep the conversation going.
What we cover in this episode
What conversation is and the two elements of talking and listening
Why getting conversations right is to our work in the short term and long term
The two types of conversation that many people find difficult
Why we find conversation so hard
The Advisory mindset we need to have when having difficult conversations
The skills we need to learn to have successful conversations
Practical tips to frame and prepare for value conversations
Questions you might ask to link back what you need from the client to what’s important to them
Practical tips to frame and prepare for difficult feedback conversations
How to prepare to give and also to receive feedback
The power of and importance of being kind to yourself and the people you are in conversation with
Quotes
“Relationships are built one conversation at a time. You are either building, destroying or flatlining relationships with both your staff and clients and other stakeholders in your life with conversations.”
“Frankly, up until recently, conversation hasn't been the big part of what we do. 85% of our work is compliance-driven work out if you're a tax accountant, and if you're another expert, it's about giving advice in a very set framework, so we haven't had to explore conversations with our clients.”
“Put a process in to frame the conversations. We are very process-driven people, so actually step through a habit, if you like, of actually framing the conversation. We need to assess where our are clients at, investigate a little bit more about what they actually want, and then put our delivery based on those two first steps.”
“Before you give any feedback, you've really got to sit and ask yourself: Am I actually ready to give feedback? Am I ready to sit in front of or beside that person, and put the problems in front of us? Am I ready to listen and actually understand the problems completely? Am I ready to really find people accountable without any shaming or blaming? And are you actually owning up to any part you might have in what you're discussing?”
“Take a breath, listen to what's going on, and then be open to the feedback. You will physically feel your armour going up, which, it is, no one really wants to take phone calls like that. But if you're open to it, it is always an opportunity for exploration.“
“Any kind of conversation that you're having, the discomfort only lasts about eight seconds. The consequences sometimes of not having the conversation can last a lot longer and cause different results. So always remember, be kind and continue the conversation.”
Bonus material mentioned
The Art of Difficult Conversations - Cheat Sheet
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